Steve Forbert hit the folk scene running at age 19 and then his first album alive on arrival was a mega-hit.  My favourite song on this album is – It isn’t going to be that way.

How could a nineteen year old write a song with such wisdom.  It resonates for me because as a nineteen year old I thought I wanted to create a coffee house and host amazing troubadours and then as a twenty-four year old I thought I would be one of those troubadours and so on. Well it’s now 2023 and I have meandered through many chapters of life – Early Childhood Education, School Board Trustee, Leadership Development and Coaching consultant, End of life Care Executive Director, and now I am on the board of Kootenay Coop Radio. KCR is a community radio station and I get to interview interesting community people including some young and amazing musicians (like Sapphire Guthrie) and give them a voice along with some old favourites like Rick Scott from Pied Pumpkin who taught me so much about playing dulcimer and finding joy in music.

In May of 2020, at the beginning of Covid I wondered what we would learn from Covid. Here is my list some of the lessons I thought we might encournter.

Lessons:

Slow down – the pace for some of us is slower (not health care professionals or parents of young children) and this allows for different feelings and thoughts to emerge.

Ask – What is important to me?- Is it people, specific people, routines, self-care, global travel, being with friends and family, democracy, arguing with people on facebook, ???

Pause – When jumping in the car to go do the next thing, rush to the store for the grocery items I’m missing, or go have supper with friends isn’t an option – what do I do instead?  Take a deep breathe and ask – what serves a deeper need right now.

We are not in control – I realize how much I live with the illusion that I have a lot of control.  I don’t.  This Covid experience tells us we are not in control and how can I use that to look at how I live my life and discern where would it be helpful to let go of that illusion of control?

Connect with self-worth – I read a short article the other day that had the author expressing that they usually get their self-worth from doing and now they have had to pause and really dig into the idea that they have inherent self-worth and to disconnect from that old belief.

Go Outside and play– My mom used to say this everyday to me and my sibs.  I know that nature helps me connect to self, to others, to aliveness.  This photo is from a trip last year to Utah and the great parks including this trip to Horseshoe Bend.  It is a magical place. We need magic right now and we need it all of our lives.

Government and Institutions are not the enemy – There are so many conspiracy theories out there and most display an amazing mistrust in gov’t and authority.  Here in BC Dr. Bonnie Henry and Health Minister Adrian Dix have been doing almost daily press conferences.  They keep it simple, they give us the latest facts on cases, deaths, and developments.  The curve has been flattened and now as we slowly relax controls we will see what they suggest.  This is in contrast to masked gunmen in the Michigan legislature with assault rifles demanding their freedom back, with the representatives ready to vote and fearing for their lives. I’ve been studying conspiracy theory to try to understand what is at play. Here is an article from Psychology Today.

I have also been trying to dig deeper on this idea and found Charles Eisenstein’s article The Conspiracy Myth to be very provocative in challenging the way I see the world and viewpoints and opinions of people and especially public figures. It reminded me that polarization misses the point of critical thinking around what is of value in any theory or perspective and how can I draw from many viewpoints to have a more well-rounded perspective. It is a struggle for me and I am working the process.

My friend Anni Holtby and I have worked with some ideas from Polarity Theory to help groups see the value of the ideas at the poles and to recognize when hyper focusing on one pole creates problems. It also has processes for gaining the most from the poles and seeing the warning signs that the other pole needs attention also.

We need to switch from a belief that we are here to focus on and support the economy to a new perspective that the economy should follow and serve us – until Covid we would never have stopped travel, shut down businesses, create significant support programs and yet in 10  weeks we have done just that.  It has created huge disruption and it gives us a chance to say what do we want in terms of economic development and what does that mean for work for people?  At the same time we can look at what type of gov’t do we want?  Contrast the styles of Trudeau and Trump,  look at how other countries are looking after people, who is thriving and where are the cracks large and deep.

I have read some articles by Umair Haque recently from his site – Eudaimonia & Co. about a different approach – focusing on Eudaimonics instead of economics.  Well-being, how people develop themselves in their work, how we care for our home and our family and friends, and this planet as we live and create things.  It is a new take and I’m going to dive in and I recommend it as a good starting place for those who like to study, politics, society, development, and possibilities.

These are my thoughts today as I pause, think about what is important and try to find the heart of the matter in the time of a pandemic.

It has been way too long since I wrote on this blog.  The last two years have been a time of big transitions.  I left Banff in August of 2015 after 32 years of  exploring, collaborating and contributing around community, leadership and learning.

I spent two years working in end of life care as executive director of the Kalein Centre in Nelson, BC.  I learned so much about this (new to me) field and loved the collaboration with many community, provincial, and global partners.  I especially enjoyed my relationship with the Nelson and District Hospice Society and their executive director Jane DiGiacomo.

During this time both my father and mother died.  Working for a hospice society helped me so much as I have been immersed in the world of loss and I had supports coming at me from all angles.  These two large losses also sat upon the losses of my marriage to divorce and my daughter having a health crisis that has improved but is ongoing.  I also had to adjust to a new community and build a new social network.

What I realized was that all of this loss created a mix of emotions for me.  Sadness, lethargy, insecurity, and also excitement, optimism, and hope.  I had to work hard to re-build, I had to consider the big questions (as Dr. David Kuhl illustrated in his book – What dying people want) who am I, what do I want, and who do I want to be connected to?  Diving into this work –  on my own, through my employment, through reading many books, through the medium of song-writing, through many deep conversations with old and new friends and some counseling, it all helped me create a new me.  In many ways not so different but with a clearer sense of what is important – friends, belonging, music – playing and listening, beauty (natural beauty, art, music, connection and experiences with others), fun, freedom, and pursuing pleasure.  This was not a narcissistic approach to pleasure but a grounded experience of pleasure – in eating good food and savoring the flavour, in listening to an exquisite piece of music (Birds of Chicago – til it’s gone or real midnight), really deep conversation – full of insights, laughs, tears, and increasing understanding and connection.

I found other ways to pursue pleasure, one good example being my extended play/vacation time this summer.  I left my job at Kalein In April and gave myself the whole summer to explore, play, adventure, connect and so I went to a wedding in Sask, my daughters’ convocation in Vancouver, two trips to Cortes Island to visit friends, play by the sea (even on the sea in a sailboat – which led to a me writing two new fiddle tunes – see the youtube below ), numerous trips to Banff, 5 or 6 music festivals, many music party and jam sessions, performing a few times (Ymir hotel on friday nights etc.) and fun time here in the Kootenays with new friends, using my paddle-board to cool off during this amazingly hot summer in western Canada.

This has led to me making more shifts this fall.  I am doing small amounts of work in leadership development and coaching.  I am looking at other possibilities in end of life care, developing new ways of approaching elderhood, working with men, boys, parents around approaching our lives more consciously and finding more supports for our development (I really believe we aren’t meant to do our work alone).

My mom told me numerous times in the last few years of her life, to pay attention to what makes me happy and to pursue that.  I have taken her advice to heart and I am experimenting with how to do that.  To be engaged in the world and be able to make some commitments while at the same time providing myself with enough freedom to explore the many ways of being happy, experiencing pleasure, and being connected.

It is clear that I want to work less and explore, learn, connect and enjoy live more.  I am going to return to my blog to dig into some of these new areas I have been exploring and to share with others so I can receive ideas, feedback, and new perspectives from others.

Stay tuned!

Music is big in my life again these days. I often find music on my dulcimer –  chords that work and become a song, but seldom do I put words to the song and when I do they often disappear. Recently I wrote a song, and as usual the music was there right away and the lyrics where a struggle.  I approached Local Nelson poet Zaynab for help crafting the lyrics and it was great to collaborate on a song.  I haven’t been able to do that for a number of years.  I played the song recently at the monthly poetry slam that Zaynab hosts.

Along with this I have also been to a number of concerts this fall.  My old friend Ken Hamm ( a great blues player ) played at Expressions and it was fun to listen, sing along and laugh as we remembered we were both born in Thunderbay (It was Fort William and Port Arthur then).

Ken and I laughing together

Then a few days later Hawksley Workman played Nelson and it was so great to listen to this poet and singer extraordinaire.  I love the way he lets his voice soar and be an instrument and not just a vehicle for lyrics.  Hawksley worked with my good friend Colin Funk on a play called History Skip with Colin using Hawksley’s music for the play.  When it came time for the performances in Banff, Hawksley showed up and played drums in the band but kept a very low profile and let it be about the kids.

Hawksley Workman

Music feeds me and I have been so fortunate in my life to play with so many great musicians. I’m looking for more opportunities to listen (the Bahamas play Nov. 16th) and play (with local musician Max Hawk).

Playing my dulcimer with Lars and Eliz

Well after 32 years living and working in Banff I have moved to Nelson and a fresh start.

my favorite ski near Banff – Stanley Glacier

I loved living in a National Park, hiking, skiing, running the day care, working on school board, co-founding the Banff Community Foundation and the Banff Ideas Bank.  I grew up during my time in Banff, finding myself by engaging intensely in life, friendships, adventure, challenging work. Banff became my home for 3 decades and each phase in my life in Banff I took on challenges, learned about myself and the field I was working in, make great connections with the other people involved and after a time, it was time to move on.

This winter I came to a major decision about how far to take this process.  So paying attention to this need for the next challenge, the one that came to me was the Executive Director position with the Kalein Centre in Nelson.  I found myself in a huge dilemma.  Great opportunity, building an organization from the ground up, re-connecting wtih life span development work, and how do you leave Banff, friendships and 32 years of work and connection.  I decided I had to take a leap, create a fresh start, and be an adventurer and rediscover myself and find new passions.

Here I am in Nelson.  My great buddy Colin Funk came to Banff and we loaded up a u-haul with my stuff along with some items for him to take home to Cortes and his son’s belongings going to Victoria so he could attend school.  My daughter Hana and I loaded her stuff in my car and headed to Nelson.  They helped me set-up house (just 1/2 km outside of town right on Kootenay Lake) and then I started work.  Hana hung out in Nelson for a few days hanging pictures and art and then we drove to Vancouver on the labour day weekend to get her set up for school at Emily Carr.

my early days in Nelson

The Kalein Centre is a great place for me to use my skills and knowledge in new ways.  Nelson is an interesting combination of laid back, community focused, counter culture place and while I have to work hard to make new social networks, it is a place of promise. I have been trying out new adventures in Nelson – stand up paddleboarding, and last Sunday I performed a new song I’ve written at the Monthly Poetry Slam during the open mic,  It was hosted by Zaynab a local poet who helped me in crafting some lyrics.  I met her at the Cottonwood Market in May and she wrote me this poem about moving to Nelson. (click on the photo to get a larger version that is easier to read)

My writing in my blog will shift more towards life span development and issues with death and dying and living fully at all stages of life.